For lovely Kim
I am so sorry Charles Schwab & the US Government destroyed our beautiful relationship and took you from me.
I will never forget the many times we told each other
we had found the greatest love of our lives.
When you introduced me to your closest friends and told them I was the greatest love of your life
I became the proudest man in the world.
I have suffered your loss for nineteen years while the US government protects Charles Schwab so he can pursue his greatest love–money.
***
Kim
Oh how I love you…
***
Kim’s emails re Charles Schwab
Introduction
Following is a small sample of emails the author received from Kim shortly after Schwab had destroyed their relationship. Keep in mind that Schwab had been hacking the author’s computer, denigrating his character, and accusing him of cheating on Kim by chasing other women behind her back. The lies and false accusations coming from this rich and powerful man Kim so admired caused great confusion and conflict with her feelings for the author. This confusion is revealed in her messages. The author was initially secretive because he did not want to reveal to Kim that he was aware of Schwab’s stalking activities. However, everything blew up during their last evening together when Kim confessed that Schwab had been sharing the author’s emails with her.
Keep in mind that Charles Schwab was working for President Bush during the whole time Kim and I were going together. President Obama was quick to show his loyalty to Schwab by hiring one of his daughters.
Note: Kim refers to Charles Schwab in many ways: Sir Cee, CS, Charles,etc.
Emails from Kim
—–Original Message—–
From: Kim Haines
Sent: Tuesday, August 13, 2002 12:11 PM
To: coolwebs@coolwebs.org
Subject: Couldn’t sleep
Dearest Hot Lips –
After over a week of not hearing your voice, it was like old times talking to you again, and I realized just how much I missed our fun exchange of quips together.
In order to begin a real dialog between us now, I feel I need to explain what transpired from my point of view over the last few months. When I began to receive copies of all your correspondence (from Schwab) with others via your emails, and your comments about how strange and difficult I was, how many “sides” of my personality there were, and how uncertain you were about our relationship and that you were going to pursue former relationships, I really thought of leaving then and there. That is when things began to change between us as far as I was concerned. I understood your confusion and the doubts that began to creep in when you knew I was going to move to San Diego. At that point if I had felt I could really trust you I would not have accepted Keith’s job and would have figured out a way to bypass Charles’ obsession over me about leaving Eugene and you. When you would spend hours on the computer, and then receive copies of the emails you were sending that were unflattering to me and to our relationship I really didn’t know what to do (emails can always be altered by the one forwarding them, in this case Mr. Schwab).
I should have confronted you then and there, but caution told me to hold off and see where this was going. Wayne, I had come to Eugene to be with you in the hopes that we could and would turn our relationship into a lifetime of happiness. I had never know anyone who could be so loving one minute and then cold and unassuming the next (when I became aware of what Schwab was doing). I longed for you to tell me, “Kim, I love you”, but every time I tried to assure myself that we had a future together you would clam up, distance yourself from me and leave me guessing. Having had an open and honest relationship with Sam (her deceased husband with whom she had been living on Orcas Island) for all those years where there was no doubt about how we felt towards each other, this was not only scary for me but made me more determined than ever to make sure I took care of myself first by accepting Keith’s offer and preparing for a “life without you”. (Because of her admiration for rich Mr. Schwab, she could see that he was lying to her about my activities) Additionally, I was getting incredible pressure from Sir Cee (Chuck) to get out of there, all the financial pressure from him, and the spiraling stock market eroding my financial future, I was stressed out beyond belief. (He had invested millions for her that collapsed with the rest of the market) Then, when you kept stating that there was no way you would leave Eric to be with me, which you told Sue and alluded to me, I again felt betrayed and that I had made a complete fool of myself by making a commitment to you, moving to Eugene and buying our “commitment rings”, and didn’t understand where you were coming from. (before she moved to Eugene Kim agreed to live here for two years before moving anywhere else). I do understand that you became somewhat cautious when I was “forbidden” to get married. (Refer to Schwab’s blackmailing her into breaking our engagement). Wayne, you can’t begin to know the pressure I have been under for this past year and how much hold CS has on my financial future. Perhaps if you and I had been more honest with one another a lot of the misunderstandings could have been avoided (Kim did not tell me about her relationship until we had gone together for six months. Unfortunately she did not realize that her doubts about me were based on Schwab’s lies and propaganda).
When I went to Boise on business (To visit Micron Corporation, which was attempting to acquire Hynix), CS gave me a report on your activities (Telling her I was cheating on her and chasing other women) and begged me to get out of there because he felt you were only after my money, that you saw me as a meal ticket, and that your intentions were anything but honorable. (What a sad way for Mr. Schwab to spend his time while working as President Bush’s chief economics advisor. Poor Mr. Schwab was desperate to get Kim back because he had involved her in his massive insider trading scheme that I discuss in my books) You did very little to persuade me that he wasn’t correct in his assumptions. (Indeed, how could a peasant like me defend myself from an oligarch like Schwab that was hanging out at the White House with our president?)
After all the things that have happened over the past few months, I have tried to turn my back on Eugene, you, and Eric and to move on with my life, setting my sights on San Diego, my new job, and just chalking up the past six months to a bitter sweet experience. Although it was not my intent to “end” our relationship the way it happened – particularly in a restaurant when all I really wanted was to just spend our last night together in sweet harmony, you asked about coming to San Diego for a visit, and I just blurted out what I felt I needed to say, that it was “over” between us. (It hit me like a nuclear bomb) When you left me in the restaurant to wonder how I was going to get home, I knew that I had to leave that night. Your temper, your reactions to things, and the ugly things you said to me convinced me I had made a terrible mistake and that I had best get out of your life forever (What she did that night was confess that Schwab had been hacking my computer for months and forwarding my email to her. (With his modifications of course). When we got home and you immediately ran to the phone to “report to Sue or whomever you were talking to” as to what had just happened, it made me feel I was justified in getting out of there as soon as possible. (I was discussing her confession about Schwab with IBM friends who had been supporting me). I didn’t sleep at all that night and sat in my motel room staring at the walls. I spent this past week with my stomach in knots, my heart broken, and I have cried more tears than I thought possible. If it hadn’t been for the solace of my friends and their comforting and gentle ways, this week would have been almost unbearable.
In spite of everything that has happened between and about us, I know that I love you very much and that I find it difficult to bear the thought of living without you. If, however, your feelings about our future together are in doubt, you need to tell me that now so that I can begin to mend my broken heart and move on. Wayne, I told you in my last email that I walked away and will continue on with my life without you if that is the right thing to do, but YOU must be honest with me and tell me where you see this thing going between us and if you are willing to take the necessary risks to make it work.
(Kim was naive a & unaware of Mr. Schwab’s evil ways, & that he would never allow us to be together). I can’t have a relationship with you or anyone else for that matter, who leaves doubts in my mind everyday as to our future together and how you feel about me. When I know that I am needed, wanted, and loved, daily assurances aren’t necessary because I KNOW these things by actions, not necessarily words. I know you are not as verbal as I am about expressing feelings, but look how Eric has responded to my physical touching and my verbalizing of my feelings towards him. Why are you so afraid to express love to someone anyway?
I am very tempted to c.c. this email to Sue as she apparently has a very bad and incorrect image of me since she doesn’t know my side of the story, however our relationship, from my point of view, is private and between us only. I have not discussed the sorted details of what has happened between us with ANYONE other than in general terms to Margie. If we have a future together, I don’t want other people (isn’t CS knowing about us enough?) to know the specifics about things between us. Do you know how embarrassing it was for me to have to sit in the same room with Sue when I knew what you had told her?
This week you have created even more confusion in my mind because of your emails to me and your comments about “loving each other” and an expression of how you said you have actually felt towards me. Hearing your voice last night and the sweetness you portray when you are not angry toward me just melts my heart. I am very aware that you aren’t ready to move to San Diego now or any time in the near future and I’m not sure I’m ready for you to do that either, but when you feel that taking care of a 20 year old young man is more important than anything we might build together, then I get really scared about making any commitments back to you.
If we are to build a future together, then we need to change some rules. No more dishonestly from either side or if there are questions about things that require answers or explanations, then we need to address them to each other right then and there. We do have so many things in common, we make terrific lovers, you have brought a lot of joy to my life when all is well, and, as I have said so many times, I LOVE YOU WAYNE.
(Can you imagine Mr. Schwab hacking our computers and reading all these emails from Kim, perhaps while he was in Washington, DC working with President Bush?)
Last, but not least, let me be very clear that I am not interested now or ever in controlling you or your life. I will not stand by either and have you or anyone run over me, but please tell me when you think I was or am trying to control you. It is important to me for us both to have independent thoughts and actions. I don’t expect that we can be all things to and for each other but in order to be a “team” we have to work together and at our age, there isn’t a lot of time left to waste on superficial nonsense.
(Schwab spent eight months pumping Kim full of lies and destroying her faith and trust in me, and there was nothing I could do or say to convince her that I had always been totally faithful and mad about her. But we must understand that Schwab was desperate to cover up his crimes and prevent his company’s stock from collapsing.)
My involvement with CS IS OVER! (LOL) I have fulfilled ALL my financial obligations to him, I have turned over the majority of my fortunes to him and am now left with a modest amount of $$ for my future, but the important thing is I am FREE of him. (Kim was unbelievably naive to the ways of the world’s rich men) I don’t want to discuss him ever or even think about him anymore. He has occupied too much of my life all ready and I will no longer give up my power to him. If you need to blow off steam regarding him, then take it up with someone else but not me as, as far as I’m concerned, this subject is closed forever.
Let this be the beginning of a new chapter of life and put all of the bad times behind us. Let us see if we can recapture what we started in San Diego in March if you are willing but under the new rules of openness, honesty, and commitment. It will not be easy with us far apart but if we are meant to be a couple, then it will happen.
I believe Eric will be ready to get on with his life with a bit more time and gentle prodding from you so you just have decide what your priorities are and how you want to approach them.
Wayne, after you have had time to read this email and still wish to call me, I’ll be up and available after 9 pm tonight. There is no pressure from me now or ever about a future together but I need to know where we stand with each other and whether I should continue on with my journey of life in San Diego alone or to hold out my hand to you so that we can walk the beaches of life together. Gosh that really sounds corny but you know what I mean.
I Love you,
Sweetie Pie
—–Original Message—–
From:Kim Haines [mailto:windsonginn@earthlink.net]
Sent:Saturday, August 10, 2002 12:40 PM
To:wayne@coolwebs.org
Subject:
Dear Wayne –
When you entered my life last November I doubt either one of us thought much would come of our correspondence, particularly since we were both seeing other people at the time. However, our initial meeting in early February sparked a new curiosity and our interests in one another began to amplify with more frequent correspondence and conversations.
(She is doing her best here to be cool, but in fact we were absolutely mad about each other from the first time we met and she was scared)
When you came to San Diego in March, something happened between us that was difficult to describe but magical in its experience. When you came down the stairs at the airport I felt then that something more than a casual friendship may be developing and by the time you left to return to Eugene I knew we were on the road to something very special.
We talked of getting married in August and of my coming to Eugene to live with you, at least until we could move to San Diego together in the not-too-distant future. After considerable discussion I came to Eugene on April 23, 2002 to begin this “new life” with you and to see if we could make things works as a couple. At the beginning, like many new relationships, we were quite happy together sharing in discussions, exchanging ideas and day-to-day events, and exploring our different life styles. Unfortunately, the involvement of my broker in San Francisco in my daily life (Guess who) caused both of us more consternation and grief than even I expected. If I could have, I would have done almost anything to avoid this messy situation in some way so that it didn’t interfere with what we were trying to build. He had a lot at stake in keeping me “safe” and unattached. Now that that goal has been satisfied, in his estimation, and I have fulfilled my financial obligations to him, I’m now free to make my own choices. I only wish that bit of business could have been settled prior to my arrival in Eugene. (In fact the real problem of his insider trading was not resolved, but he had her under control in San Diego)
Perhaps things between us could have been very different. I apologize to you on his behalf for all the pain and suffering you feel he’s caused you. (She could never blame him for anything) It was not you personally he was after, but you just happened to get in the way of his need to protect his interests. (Can’t you just see him in his large plush office pretending that he’s sorry for what “I think he might have done to me?) Indeed, I felt so much better hearing more of his bullshit)
I watched as you drew away from me, became more secretive in your actions and less willing to “communicate” In addition, things became even more complicated when Keith offered me a job in San Diego before either of us were really ready to make that move. In spite of various differences between us, I felt, and perhaps you did too at one point, that we could overcome these obstacles in some way and that our feelings for each other would over-shadow these events.
Some time ago I began receiving copies of your email to and from other people. At first I was appalled that they were being sent to me until I was advised to read them. The contents of several communiqués amongst your friends such as Sue, Lorna, and Don were painful for me to read at best. You expressed many feelings to all of them that you were unwilling to share with me. When you told Lorna that you had heard from “Lisa” in Vancouver, that you had been crazy about her in Wenatchee and perhaps, after I was gone, you would see if you could rekindle that feeling, I was crushed. Knowing you were planning a trip to Portland to visit her while I was in Orcas not only hurt me terribly, but I then began to close up and withdraw in self-defense.
I just didn’t want you to hurt me any further. Correspondence to “Vicky” and others only fortified my fear and made me more determined to go my own way when I left for San Diego.
When you told Sue, “don’t tell Kim,” etc. I felt betrayed and confused not knowing why you were feeling the way you did and yet when I tried to approach the subject with you, you would leave the room in anger saying you were just not going to discuss this issue.
Yes, Wayne, I did test you several times over and found I really didn’t have to say much as you would incriminate yourself without me saying hardly a word. I do wish to apologize to you for my part in the invasion of your privacy by having read your mail, as I believe few have that right without permission. I am not proud of having been witness to that part of you that you thought was private between you and others, but I don’t understand why you would not talk to me about your feelings and yet be so quick and willing to discuss many details of our relationship and my personal “quirks” with Sue while all along I thought these matters were private issue just between us.
I have joked with you that I tell Margie everything, but in reality, our business is just that – OURS and I have never compromised anything sacred between us that was no one else’s business. I am truly happy that you have a friend or friends you can share things with but I was under the mistaken believe that building a good foundation for a solid relationship would keep most of those details private between us. Had more energy gone into trying to make this commitment work rather than tearing me down to your friends and blaming me for everything that went wrong, we might have been able to work through each other’s idiosyncrasies until we found real love
From my perspective, in order to have a real relationship and partnership with another, each must be willing to be trustworthy, loyal, and sincerely interested in making that relationship work. It is my interpretation that you ran both hot and cold; one minute talking like we would never see each other again and the next minute talking about selling your house and moving to San Diego, therefore making it difficult for me to know where you stood relative to our future together.
(Here Kim is struggling with the fact she had been a naughty girl, spending many months listening to Schwab denigrate my character, lying about me chasing other women, and sharing my email with her. Because of his power over her, Kim found it impossible to believe that he was nothing but a self-centered Zionist and a first class liar).
On the more positive side we do have many things in common and you have made me laugh many times over. There is no question that we were terrific lovers in bed (Something she liked to tell her friends) and that we found many hours of joy in each other’s company.
There have been misunderstandings, unshared secrets, and an unwillingness to explore together where we were in our process of knowing and learning to love one another. We stopped short of really sharing our feelings together, exploring how we could take two separate lives and blend them together, and most of all, learn to accept one another even with all our individual faults, idiosyncrasies and inadequacies. This is WHO we are and WHAT we are. Are the differences and annoyances too great to bridge the gap or could we mutually begin the process of loving each other with all of our quirks and foibles? After all Dearest Wayne, YOU are who you are and I am who I am, but wasn’t that what attracted us to each other in the first place?
Wayne you reside in my mind and in my heart as a constant reminder of someone I fell in love with, never far away and yet so troubling. Turning my thoughts to other things besides you is so challenging as the images of you and I together drift in and out of my soul. I miss you and what we started to build.
I feel your anger and your pain. We have hurt each other terribly and the natural reaction is to strike back in some retaliatory way. This only belays the sorrow and yet, in the end, provides little comfort to either person. Let us put down our weapons and talk. CAN we talk? Are we ABLE to reach inside our hearts, set aside the pain, the pride, and the anger, at least long enough to be open to a discussion, so that we can hear what the other really has to say. (The answer was no, for Schwab would never allow us to be together)
I walked away from you with such reluctance and great sadness but will keep on going if this is the right thing to do, however, if after reading this you feel we CAN talk as adults, with weapons and hurtful words retired, then answer me from your heart. You know how and where to reach me. If, however, the above condition is unacceptable, the pain and anger too unforgiving and you don’t care to respond, then I genuinely wish you success in your pursuit of whatever will make you happy. The impact of having spent such precious time together these past few months has changed me forever and I hold the memory of those times very close to my heart.
In peace and friendship,
Kim
P.S. Having just arrived at Peter’s in Las Vegas and finally connected to Outlook, I have read your emails to me for the first time. The above was written over several days but before I connected to your letters of hurt and anger. Wayne, can we stop this now? I not just walked, but ran because you have touched me in a place where only one other has been – deep in my heart and in my soul and when I thought you had betrayed me I didn’t know what else to do to but stop from being hurt any further. What have we done to each other anyway? Is it too late to bury the pain and try again or has too much damage been done to try to forgive and move forward together? My trip to San Francisco (To receive Schwab’s edict that we break our engagement) has taken care of that problem that existed there and I have been promised that he will no longer interfere in my daily life again and I have every reason to believe him now.
(Oh, Sweet Kim you were so naive to think Schwab was finished torturing you and controlling your life)
More emails from Kim to follow.
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Update: 29 December 2020